There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
