i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
