you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
