Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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