So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
