i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
