i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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