If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
