why didn't you poke me back
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
