I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it glows. i had to have it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize