I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
