Umm I'm too high to move.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
