i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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