I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
