Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
