nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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