She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
