The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I smell like Dick and happiness
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
