is your mom at the bar?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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