I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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