Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
