so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize