i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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