so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
