She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
