I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
