Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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