I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
