he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
