it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
