When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
