i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
