fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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