You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
