Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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