I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
