YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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