i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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