just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
