Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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