Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
