omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
