Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
