just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize