You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
