I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
