Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
