Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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