a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
