I wish I could teleport
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
