It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize