I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
