Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
