ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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