Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
