Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
