NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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