I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
