So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
