I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
