i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
