My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
