My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The dick lei will go down in squad history
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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