in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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