im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
