Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need to calm my uterus...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
