mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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