I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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