32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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