so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
