i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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