I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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