I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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