remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
