Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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