Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How's work?
Spinning.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
