glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
