My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
