i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
