The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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