Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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