so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
