you win again, gameday.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize